Woman of God by Bailey Wray

That Sunday when he arrived at church he noticed that there weren’t any cars in the parking lot. It was a stereotypical roadside church, a big flashing neon sign and a giant cross outside. He knows what this means. The preacher still goes into the church. Instead of standing at the altar he sits in the pews. Lord please forgive me. Lord, I am a man of god. I am a man of god. Right? He prays. Typically he feels God’s presence but this time the church and his soul felt empty. If only he had chosen a woman of god.

The preacher didn’t get into this situation for any particularly terrible reason, he believed. He was a holy man, he didn’t want to be in this predicament, but he somehow ended up here. How can they turn on me so fast he thought. It wasn’t as if he’d done anything wrong, in his mind, he was just human, like the person he oh so admires. He thought to himself Jesus probably did it. If he had had sex with a woman of god he might not be in so much trouble. But it’s just the same the preacher says. You see, the preacher had been caught with a prostitute. He’s not the most attractive man, partially due to his upkeep. Maybe if he tidied himself up more he could be more attractive. Maybe not though, considering his cold heart and pathetic demeanor.

The preacher, like many other men, had women problems. So he thought that at least one of his congregation members would have understood or even been in the same situation. He was correct about this, but no one was going to stand up for him. It’s looked down upon. Especially for a man of god.

The preacher had decided that he was going to fix it all. He arranged to meet with the hooker for dinner. Now she thought that he was going to hire her for sex again, so she dressed as she typically would, short leopard print dress, stiletto heels, and a full face of cheap makeup. The preacher had reserved dinner at UNCLE JOEY’S PIZZA. It was the nicest place he could afford. It wasn’t a bad restaurant, in fact the food was pretty good. He had set up the meeting for 7pm sharp. He was dressed in his formal attire, which consisted of what he wore to the church; a cheap suit and hat. 

The preacher arrived 15 minutes early, eager for the arranged meeting. He waited outside till his reservation time to go in. He was greeted not so kindly by the staff. He shouldn’t have been surprised considering this was a small town, but he didn’t let this put him down. He waited at the table, turning the waiter away until his friend—that’s what he called her in his mind to blur the truth—arrived. 

Eventually after a few minutes the hooker arrived. The hooker walking in caused quite the upset from the other patrons. Nothing explicitly verbal but the preacher could tell he might not have made the best decision. The hooker, seeing the preacher, walked over and louder than should, said “whatcha’ want today baby.” The preacher, turning red with embarrassment, chuckled. “I’m actually thinking that we can sit down for dinner, and have a heart to heart.” The hooker found him insufferable and didn’t want to sit through his talking, but still wanting to make money agreed. “15 extra than normal.” she said. The preacher thought about objecting but decided to bite his tongue.

The hooker sits down across from the preacher. There is an uncomfortable amount of silence between them. The preacher, too afraid to actually start the conversation he arranged for, waits for the hooker to speak first. 

“Listen honey, I’m getting paid, but honestly your wastin’ my time” she said eventually. 

“I- I…” the preacher said nervously. “I wanted to talk business with you,” he continued. 

“Well, Somehow our affair got out-” the preacher says. 

“Honey this isn’t any affair” the hooker quickly interjected. 

The preacher was not taken aback by this but acted as if he were. “Well whatever you want to call it” he said. Taking a beat he finishes his sentence “It got out. My congregation has now turned on me and I’m at risk of losing my job.” The hooker laughs at this, she makes a remark about how it’s not her fault, he should’ve been more careful. “Listen, this is a very serious matter, and your somehow making it my fault, as if I wanted this to happen” the preacher says defensively. “I need you to pretend that you’re a woman of god” he continues. 

“And how do you want me to do that?” the hooker replies.

“I don’t know, you figure that out, start going to church or something, because my reputation is ruined. Maybe you, becoming a woman of god could do something about that.” the preacher says desperately. The hooker over the situation by this point, grabs her bag and says “I’m done with this, this ain’t worth what you can give me, You ain’t no real preacher” she says while walking away. “Well at least I’m not going to hell” the preacher quickly says. “Matthew 21:31-3, baby” the hooker snarkily responds. The preacher knew what this meant “But, I believe in God” he says. “Do you?” the hooker replies as she walks out.

The preacher back in the empty church couldn’t pray. He reflected on what the hooker had said to him. He turns the bible to Matthew 21:31-3

“I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him”

He realized that he couldn’t continue on being a preacher, at least in this town. What’s the point in preaching the word of god if I can’t even feel it he thought to himself, sulking in the pews. Eventually he got up and walked out to his car. He drove and drove until he could feel something, this of course never happened.

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THE END